Play: Challenges of Playing with Three Kids, 5 and Under

When people hear that we're expecting our fourth kid, they say, "oh wow!"

When they learn that our other kids are ages 5, 3.5, and 2, they say something like, "oh man, you all are busy!"

And we are. There's always a kid who needs something. But I feel like that's how it's always been. Even when we had one, I remember thinking, this kid is demanding- so many needs!

Many assume that the hardest thing about having several small children close in age is the diapers/potty-training/hygiene issues. Others think it might be sleep issues (naps, sleep training, nighttime waking, etc.). While those things ARE challenging, Jake and I both agree that the hardest thing is giving each of our kids the kind of one-on-one, developmentally-directed attention that we desire to spend with them.

Related to this, one question we are constantly revisiting with our daily schedule ideas is- how do we provide each child with developmentally-appropriate activities simultaneously?  We know this is going to be an even bigger challenge when Malloy Baby #4 arrives in a few months.

Through experimentation with different schedules and ideas, we have found some general guidelines that have been really helpful.



1. Create a general daily schedule. The beauty of creating your own schedule and being in charge of the day is that you also have the freedom to throw it out the window if it's not working. But, having a general schedule (in our minds and on paper) has been helpful in being intentional about our day, and playing in particular.

2. Set aside time for "one-on-one" time that fits with both the child's rhythm and the general family rhythm. Some helpful questions in determining this:

• When does each child tend to get more "needy"? (asking lots of favors, needing attention, etc.)
• When does each child tend to have a really easy time playing by themselves, or with the other siblings?
• When does each child get sleepy? When do the kids nap or have quiet times? When are some of the kids in out-of-the-home activities (preschool, sports, music, etc.)? 
• When do I as a parent have energy to engage each child in a meaningful way? When do I feel least distracted by jobs needing to be done around the house?
• What times of the day do we have other things we need to do (errands, grocery shopping, volunteering, etc.)?

3.  Have a list of developmentally-appropriate (and child-interest appropriate) "ready". What are some skills that you would like to work on with each kid? What kind of things are they particularly interested in? How can you incorporate their interests and the skills they need to develop into a fun, playful activity?

There are many many ways you can do this. Some ideas Jake and I have used:

Put up a bulletin board in a high traffic area, with play ideas for each kid written on different colors of paper. Use another color for activities that all kids could engage in. When you need an idea, check the bulletin board for easy access. No internet or potential computer distraction required. :)

Use Pinterest. I create thematic boards, and pin ideas to each board as I come across them. Others that I know create a board for each child. Yet others have general "2-year-old" or "5-year-old" boards so that they can re-use them as each child grows. I have found that the latter is personally less useful because my kids haven't tended to need the same skills developed at each age.

Create a physical binder of activity ideas, divided up by theme (gardening, robots, superheroes, etc.) or general skill (letter recognition, fine motor skills, math, etc.). You can rip activities out of magazines, write down ideas on blank pieces of paper, make copies of something you see in a library book, or put in ideas that you get from mom clubs, playgroups, library times, etc.

Create a filing system, similar to the binder, but with files instead. This one allows you to print an idea off a blog, gather your materials or do any prep-work (cutting, laminating, etc.), and then put it in a gallon bag and drop it in the appropriate file.

Just keep one notebook and write it all down. No organization needed. Half the battle is just writing it down, right? This one works well for Jake.

4. Make this a team effort. No matter who spends the day at home with the kids, both parents should be thinking and brainstorming. Jake and I spend time every couple weeks talking about each kid- What are their strengths? Where are they struggling (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually)? What is their "current obsession" and how can we use this interest to learn something new? How can we encourage their interests and skills? What kinds of encouragement or discipline strategies have they been responding well to? What hasn't been working and why?

Jake and I have found that these conversations have been SO HELPFUL in thinking about things that we otherwise would not have. God has given each parent wisdom and insight, and it takes both perspectives to raise a kid!


Finally, here's an example of how all of this fits together for our family, at this time (oh how things always change, right?!).

Our Day

Wake-7:30a      Eat, Review Bible Verses, Clear Table, Get Dressed
7:30-7:55         Exercise/Physical Skills
7:55- 8:30        Reading/Writing (He comes up with activities for each kid at their dev. level)
8:20- 8:35        Dad reading/storytelling with and to kids
8:35- 9:00        Math (activities at each level)
9:00- 9:30        1-1 + 1-1 (Jake one-on-one with a child, and plans an activity the other two kids can do together)
9:30-10:00      1-1 + 1-1 (everyone switch)
10:00-10:30    1-1 + 1-1 (everyone switch)
10:30-11:00    free play
11:00-12:00    lunch and clean-up
12:00-1:00      free play 
1:00- 2:00       quiet time and educational video
2:00- 3:00       free play
3:00- 4:00       project (jake plans a different one for each day)
4:00- 4:30       free play
4:30- 5:00       clean up
5:00- 5:30       dinner prep + kids watch Netflix movie
5:30- 6:30       dinner and clean-up
6:30- 7:00       bed preparations and bed