Today's post is by MaryAnn, who has guest posted on here a few times before. As always, MaryAnn did a fantastic job -- I think this post in particular shows her curious mind that is always reading and learning. Thanks, MaryAnn, for sharing your wisdom with us!!
I bet you clicked over to Play Eat Grow today especially to find out what
our final fruit of the spirit, self-control, has to do with Monty
Python, the marshmallow test, and The Tools of the Mind preschool
curriculum! Oh wait, you didn't? Well I guess you had better keep
reading then! But first, a little Bible study.
Self-Control and Us
The dictionary definition of self-control is "restraint exercised over
one's own impulses, emotions, or desires". Sounds really fun, doesn't
it? Thankfully, as Christians, we don't have to "do" self-control all
by ourselves. The Holy Spirit's presence in us enables and strengthens
us to do God's will, and in addition, God himself sets the perfect
example for us. Does it sound odd to say that God has self-control?
Perhaps he doesn't need to in the same way that we do (I mean, was God
ever tempted to eat an entire box of Oreos in one sitting? I don't
think so!), but he does have some pretty big frustrations to deal with.
Namely, us.
Psalm 103:8 helps us understand the character of God better by
describing him as "slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness". I'm
grateful that God is slow to anger, because if he wasn't humankind
probably would not exist right now. From the beginning of time God has
had a plan for the redemption of humanity - a plan not to give us what
we deserve, but to save us and call us his own, and His son Jesus played
an integral part in that plan.
Jesus lived a perfect life - a life of perfect self-control. Where Adam
failed when temped by Satan, Jesus responded to The Liar with truth
from God's word and stood firm. Jesus never did anything that was
outside of the will of his father, and he never failed to do what his
father asked of him. But he did have a choice. In Matthew 26 when Jesus
is arrested, Peter tries to defend him with a sword. Jesus rebukes
him, saying "Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will
at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?" Later,
when being accused by the chief priests and Pharisees, Jesus says
nothing in his own defense. The restraint he showed is what led to my
salvation. He denied himself in order that he might gain... Me.
Armed with the knowledge that the God of the Universe has exercised self
restraint so that I might be saved, I can approach this "fruit" with an
attitude of thanksgiving rather than duty. I don't have to live a life
of bland denial in order to win my heavenly Father's love and approval!
(anyone else get this mental picture of the monks from The Quest for the Holy Grail
who walk around chanting and banging themselves on the heads with a
board?).
Rather with joy I will deny myself and take up my cross daily
and follow him (Luke 9:23). My obedience is a gift to my savior, and an
act of trust that the creator of my soul knows what things are best for
me and what things will bring me harm.
Now those of you who know me may be thinking, "I didn't know MaryAnn was
so great at exercising self-control". Well, that's probably because
sometimes I'm not! (Did you think I pulled that Oreo example from
earlier out of a hat?). I don't always eat my veggies before my dessert,
or read my Bible before my novel, and I could probably accomplish a lot
more each day if I spent less time on Facebook! But I do know that
when my own self-discipline is faltering, I serve a faithful God who
knows what is best for me and wants to help me do it. "Not by might nor
by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD of hosts" (Zechariah 4:6)
Self-Control and Our Children
I don't know about you, but "self-controled" is not the first descriptor
that comes to mind when I think about my children. Rather, it is
something that needs to be prayed and practiced into their lives. There
has been a lot of interesting research done on the topic of young
children and the benefits of self-control, and I always think it is
interesting when researchers "discover" that the way the Bible instructs
us to live is, in fact, what is most beneficial for us.
For example, have you heard of the marshmallow test? In this experiment
young preschoolers were brought by researchers into a small room
containing a chair and a desk with a marshmallow on it. The children
where told that the researcher was going to leave for awhile. The kids
could eat the marshmallow if they wanted to, but if they waited to eat
the marshmallow until the researcher returned, they would get two
marshmallows to eat instead of one. Of course some children ate the
marshmallow as soon as the researcher stepped out of the room and some
gave in part way through. But a few found various methods of
distracting themselves and managed to "delay gratification" - waiting
the entire 15 minutes for the researcher to come back.
As some of the children from this experiment where tracked in the coming
years, the results were telling. "Follow-up studies on these
preschoolers found that those who were able to wait the 15 minutes were
significantly less likely to have problems with behavior, drug addiction
or obesity by the time they were in high school, compared with kids who
gobbled the snack in less than a minute. The gratification-delayers
also scored an average of 210 points higher on the SAT." Now there's
some motivation to teach our kids self-control!
But you might be wondering how easy it is to teach children
self-control. Here's where you might be interested in learning about
the
Tools of the Mind preschool. Basically it's a pre-school program
where instruction about "how to think" is taught right along with the
ABC's and 123's. Here's a brief description of the program: "Over the
last few years, a new buzz phrase has emerged among scholars and
scientists who study early-childhood development, a phrase that sounds
more as if it belongs in the boardroom than the classroom: executive
function. Originally a neuroscience term, it refers to the ability to
think straight: to order your thoughts, to process information in a
coherent way, to hold relevant details in your short-term memory, to
avoid distractions and mental traps and focus on the task in front of
you. And recently, cognitive psychologists have come to believe that
executive function, and specifically the skill of self-regulation, might
hold the answers to some of the most vexing questions in education
today." One interesting technique used in the classroom includes having
the children make a "play plan", and then being reminded to stick to
their plan when conflicts arise. Teachers also played a variety of
games that involved using self-control, another thing that would be easy
to implement at home.
Here are some suggestions for helping your children develop self-control:
-
play games that specifically require impulse control. Freeze dancing, red light green light, and Simon says are good examples.
-
have children make a play plan before entering a situation where
conflict with others is likely to arise. For example, I used to have a
babysitting job and my son would often squabble over toys with the
little girl I watched, particularly when they both headed into the play
room after an outing. When I learned about this concept I began having
them both make a plan about what they wanted to do when we got home.
This was extremely helpful as they both developed the impulse control
to make a plan and stick with it!
-
talk about self-control specifically before your child goes into a
situation where he or she is going to be tempted to be impulsive! There
are lots of opportunities to do this - and you can make it part of a
fun activity such as helping with baking, or doing a project that
involves food.
-
praise your child for demonstrating self-control, and pray for them and with them regarding this character quality.
And lastly, don't underestimate the influence of your example! It gives
me pause when I remember that my children notice my speech, my spending,
my reading, my sleeping, my driving, my eating - my EVERYTHING! In a
way, living a life characterized by self-control is not only a gift I
give to God, but it is also a gift I give to my children.
